Saturday, December 10, 2016
This holiday season is strange for me so far. There's this combination of over-decorating and humbug. I started dragging out the decorations well before Thanksgiving; that is not at all usual for me. I did the same thing the year my dad died, only it was for Halloween. It might be because any major holiday or birthday when I was a kid was a shit show that on the best of years was a depressing hot mess. Now if I want a good holiday, it's mostly in my hands. I kinda have to fake it to make it nice for the kids, but it becomes fun because of who it's done for and with. I WANT to like the holidays, but no matter how well it's hidden, there's a pall that's cast with all the years of negative conditioning. Now my parents are both gone, the house I grew up in is gone. I will probably be working the rest of my life to cast the darkness away. (Tough motherfucking) challenge accepted. It's not because I've bounced to the top of the hill and relish the battle. It's the best of the limited options.