It's been four months since NC with the mother. I haven't missed her a bit.
I've been continuing with meditation and trying to heal myself. I've been immersing in things I enjoy, especially genealogy. My latest kick is DNA genealogy, and in the spirit, I did a DNA test to try to track down some family history. I then uploaded my raw data to a website that scans it and lets you know if there are any red flags. Turns out that, genetically, anyway, I have two mutations that are known to cause hemochromatosis, an excess of iron buildup in the body. I'm waiting for the blood tests to come back to see if I am affected, and now the burden is on me to contact all my aunts & uncles to let them know they may have this genetic thing. Oh, yeah, I've got to tell my mother, too.
So, I'm sticking with a looser version of the form letter I found on the CDC website to inform family members. They're getting a letter. I greatly fear that when mother gets her letter, she will take it as an invitation to start up again. So, I'm panicky and keep putting off sending the letters.
It's a test. I made it four months and now I'm being forced to approach the gates and whistle to see if the dogs come a-runnin'. I'm arming myself with pepper spray and a fight-or-flight prep, and I don't want to have to do this. Ssshhhhhhhhit.
How have you been Bess? good to see you back. Good to know you are getting your ducks in a row. The letter you sent me while I was um...er... indisposed sits atop my dresser at home.
ReplyDeleteIMO you are not responsible for notifying anyone. It's not like an STD or YOU being responsible for giving them the gene. Let them find out the same way you did or the floodgates of abuse will open.
ReplyDeleteSelfish: no. Self care: yes!
My mom is the only one of them all that I dread. Untreated, this could lead to extreme health issues and death, and I won't have that on my conscience. I think maybe the ones that have health problems fit into the symptomology of this diagnosis, so maybe it will solve some mysteries for them.
ReplyDeleteQ! I've been good, which feels really good to say. BTW, I had a dream awhile back that I met you and some other bloggers and we danced to an outdoor bar band and you sang along with the music. It was a nice dream! I hoped it means things are going good for you!