Monday, July 11, 2016

Havoc Beyond the Grave

About a week ago, my childhood home caught fire, resulting in a fatality. It happened in the middle of the afternoon, with multiple workers pouring concrete right outside. The state fire marshal has not released the cause.

I discovered this happened by being tagged on Facebook by a childhood friend whose grandma still lives a couple of doors down from there. The front of the house was featured news by the local big city station, with additional pics of the burnt out window of my former bedroom.

The house had been completely redone, and the workers outside were pouring a concrete slab where my father's nasty garages used to be. My first thought was: What did he do? I know the outrage he would've had when alive over the idea of someone even touching "his" things, let alone changing them completely. My second thought was: What did the house do? I grew up terrified of fire. I prayed deep into the night many, many times that I wouldn't die in a fire. My sis also had nightmares and fears of fire. I had awful, bloody nightmares centering around my bedroom. In her mental illness, my mother tried (unsuccessfully) to set herself on fire one Christmas.

Every day I scan the news wondering what caused it, what caused that poor woman to die in the middle of a day with a huge group of people outside her door.


  1. Whoa. Sounds like evil from the grave, eh? That's creepy.

  2. Shit like this is what makes me wonder how much of me is mentally ill and how much of me is actually feeling shit that has happened/will happen to other people. 'Course, maybe there's no difference between the two.


  4. I know what you mean. When I was a teenager I was driving down the road very early one morning and it was after all my of father and mothers actions were really taking root in my mind. So I made a tentative map in my head about all the ways my life could turn out. So far I am dead on with the way a predicted. I don't think I was that smart back then. So how much is a self fulfilling prophecy and how much is truly fate may be something I will never know for sure.

  5. Such a mind fuck...I sometimes get the sensation that everything that has happened, is happening right now, and will happen is actually occurring all at once. Just like a curtain slipping aside and being slammed tightly shut. Hmm...