I've been growing my hair out for about a year. It seems to like to grow alot, although it's unruly and wavy. Oddly, no gray hair that's noticeable to others. At one point, I felt like coloring it gray, because I felt like I had earned it.
I prefer my hair short, really, but I was getting a little bored, and I know my spouse likes how I look with my hair longer, so I thought I'd give it a try. Growing it out hasn't been as painful as it should have been. I did all the right things - trim it up every 5-6 weeks, keep it all neat and tidy. Now that it's chin-length, right where I thought I wanted it, now it's very difficult. Because every goddamn time I look in the mirror, I see the evil grandmother, and then I see my own mother. I look like people I hate to be reminded of. This is a kick in the head.
I tell the spouse last night that I think the hair is going to have to go and why. He looked a little sad, and he said, "I don't know why you think you look like her." He meant the evil grandmother, because I didn't say I saw my mother in the mirror then. I was upset that he doesn't get it and left the room before having a snit with a perfectly well-meant comment. But he never met the grandmother, and he doesn't really know. His family has its fucked-up aspects, but he has lovable parents and had lovable grandparents, and I just don't think he can imagine how I feel about this.
Now I wish I had made an appointment to get it cut and not given him a chance to put his two cents down. Now I'll feel guilty when I cut my hair, because he likes it, and I gave him another chance to verbalize that he doesn't understand why I don't want to keep it. I don't want him to feel like it's personal to him when I cut my hair. And now I'm really pissed because it's my head and my hair and I have to live with it. Even though he never gave me a guilt trip about the hair, even though I'm the one that made the choice to grow it out.
I am fucked up over goddamn hair.