Tuesday, November 10, 2015
For Fox Sake.
I got a fucking birthday card from mother yesterday. Home sick from work with a nasty cold, a few days after my birthday has passed. Ooooo, the struggle. Do I just pitch it? I should just pitch it. I'll take it to the garbage and...openitopenitopenit. A handwritten note inside: "...I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I hope you can forgive me my failings..." So she's apologized. It means squat to me now. She's fake apologizing so she can get what she wants, which is for us to all get together during the holidays. How do I know this? I don't fucking know, I just know. The beginning of the letter asked for pics of my boys, asks how they're doing. Shit she should have asked about years ago but didn't. It's fake, it's ALL fake. She's figured out this equation in her head: if c, then b. If a, then not b. She tried a, and it didn't get her what she wanted, so she'll try c. Three years down the road, after multiple non-apologies. Frankly, this was a non-apology, too. She doesn't need forgiven, her failings need forgiven. She's not sorry for what she's done, she's just sorry I didn't have her when I needed her. I got what I knew I was going to get (that I hoped I wouldn't get) when I opened that card. Fakefakefake. At this point, there's nothing she could do to change my opinion of her, so why did I hope? Cuz I'm an idiot who she's trying to play like a fiddle. I disliked her less before I opened that letter.
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She wants something. Even if it's just to be able to say she sent a card which is proof of her undying love for you. I can hear her now. I sent Bess a card. If she doesn't want to take the olive branch I extended to her it's on her not me. For now you need to focus on you and give up trying to figure out what she's up to. She probably doesn't know her self. She is doing what they do, which is mirroring what she thinks a normal person would do and twisting it to suit her needs later.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely fake, Bess. Excellent call on the non-apology and manipulative tactics. "I disliked her less before I opened the letter"-yep. They have this unfailing way of reminding us exactly who and what they are. I also see this as a ploy for the upcoming holidays. Prepare for the Thanksgiving Tumors, the Christmas Cancer, the New Years Non-Specific Nonsense ER visit resulting in a call from the hospital because "mother." She will shamelessly use negative Proxies to promote her agenda. Turn off the phones on those days and enjoy them with the people who genuinely love you-DH and your sons.
ReplyDeleteHope dies very slowly and very painfully. They really have to work hard and consistently over decades to destroy any hope for a relationship that we clung to so tenaciously. It takes a special kind of nasty to leave an AC with no other options for protecting themselves and their families aside from LC inevitably followed by NC. It hurts. A lot.
Happy Birthday, Bess! I hope you had a wonderful day-before contracting the cold :(
My birthday is in a week and inevitably my CB "mother" launched a yearly nasty gram snail mail avalanche as well attempting to use my birthday as leverage for the Holiday Reset "Forgive and Forget" "Faaammmmily" crap. The last birthday card I opened from her was absolutely beautiful a la, "I loved you from the first minute I saw you" etc. I would have cried tears of joy to have received such a card-a few decades ago. I also saw it for what it was: A transparent manipulation. Sad but true.
Again, Happy Birthday and I hope your birthday "gift" of a cold is improving.
TW
Yeah, probably for the holidays. I never would something like that to my daughter. Its too pathetic. We have had our problems, but mostly, would I want her to feel that sorry for me? it seems like your mother wants YOU to be the one that is sorry. Just my 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteShe says all the stuff she thinks I want to hear, except the one thing I truly want to hear. I can't believe how far she goes out of her way to not ask personal forgiveness and to not apologize for the stuff she's actually done. She works harder at being actively unaccountable than she has at anything else I've ever witnessed from her.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have to go through this Bess. It must be hard, what with the phonecalls, letters. Fortunately my mother is too proud and stubborn, so it works for me. But emotionally it must be tiring. I could not even imagine going through that.
ReplyDeleteBut that note is triggering me. I don't know what it is. My mother was such a martyr, and still is, and can play this one too, if she wanted to. I guess I feel like its trying to mess with your emotions, that is what is triggering me.
But what I really want to say is that I think sending something like that to my own adult daughter, trying to pull the emotional shit. Not sure what I'm saying here, but that is emotional bloodsucking.
But if she'd be honest and upfront, and its not.
Classic non-apology, right out of the "Narc Handbook"! They just keep digging themselves in deeper and deeper which makes no contact so much easier. Toss it into the garbage and toss her outta your mind.
ReplyDeleteHope you had a great birthday and without her in your life each one will be better than the last.
Hope you have a peaceful, enjoyable Thanksgiving shared with the people who love you. Thinking of you, Bess.
ReplyDeleteTW
Thinking of you, too! All of you, really. Wishing everyone peace and calm.:)
DeleteThinking of you, too! All of you, really. Wishing everyone peace and calm.:)
DeleteThinking of you, too! All of you, really. Wishing everyone peace and calm.:)
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ReplyDelete