Thursday, November 5, 2015
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I've been devouring any and all books about living with mental illness or living with someone with mental illness that I can get my hands on. I want to try to understand how others are coping with the cards they've been dealt. All the books I've read have been quite good, and some of the books by authors who have lived with bipolar disorder talk about some things that ring big bells in my head. The most recent read was "Manic" by Terri Cheney. The book consists of vignettes from her life as a bipolar woman and covers her highs, lows, and eventually stabilization. I don't believe I'm flat-out bipolar, but her description of a mixed state made me go, oh my god, I've been there. Several times in my life, including the time I was experiencing the paradoxical reaction. My current diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Diagnoses are so funny, you know? They are a snapshot of what a doctor knows of a person at a certain place and time. You go in and talk to the doctor/NP and they ask you questions, which you answer as best you can, but what if they're not quite the right questions? What if you have answers you don't know you have?
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I'm not bi-polar but I've dealt people that are and I will tell you this take you med's as prescribed
ReplyDeleteThen they'll come to light when the right questions are asked (by you or someone else) or float out of a memory bubble that arises from who knows where? Do you keep a journal? Doesn't have to be anything formal, just a place to jot down your thoughts/feelings as they arise. Yk know how when you've been dreaming (not nightmareing, that's different) and as you wake up the dream just evaporates pretty quickly? That's why I write stuff down.
ReplyDeleteI lost my comment on your last Post in response to the dx. and your current meds-AAGGGGHHH! Bess, when you're starting a new med or (ohholeycrap) having a horrible reaction as you did to a med it's not at all your usual state so I'd be looking at a Provisional (possible) dx. until at least months go by. At the time I'm having an IRL nightmare I wouldn't much care if my dx. was "Generalized Howling at the Moon"-just help me get my MIA mind back; it appears to be vacationing in the Seventh Ring of Hell and packed me in it's Carry On, Yk? Besides, you're not a dx.-it's like saying "I'm a broken leg" because your leg is broken. It's basically a code for billing.
I hear you about the lack of medical providers-we're in the same situation here. You get a bonus to practice here-I think it's called Combat Pay ;) Anyway, please don't hesitate to call your med manager if anything feels like it's going sideways, OK? It seems after decades of minimizing yourself a la, "Well, it's not that bad" etc. you may be reluctant to do that. You matter, Bess. But when you find yourself in the middle of a crisis sometimes it's just not on the Agenda. You are extremely self-sufficient but even trappers who live in the woods all fall and winter need to come to town occasionally.
TW
My final diagnosis, from a legit psychiatrist, was extreme stress/anxiety from being the only sane person in a NFOO. His prescription was to walk away. I chose to think, once my eyes were open, I could handle it. That's how I ended up in AA after "self-medicating".
ReplyDeleteIf I'd been smart like you, Bess, and followed my doctor's advice I would have saved myself years of pain.