Forgiveness bothers me. Not in general. Just personally. If I did vicious, hurting-other-people shit, I would not expect forgiveness. I would expect to have to suck it up. I wouldn't have the balls to ask for someone to forgive me. I know how to say I'm sorry and take my lumps. Part of showing honest intent is being available to show it.
But I'm a grudge-fucker, too. I remember the little shit and the big shit and the in-between shit. Forgetting would be a divine gift, and I'm no good at it.
What the hell is forgiveness, really? Is it letting people who are harmful have another chance? Another chance to - what? Try to erase the shit they did by proffering awkward acts they maybe don't mean? Making them prove and prove and prove until they're sick of proving and snap again? At what point are the people doing the forgiving then in the debt of the second (third, fourth, fifth)chance people? Harmful means different stuff from person to person, too. If people get along, we get along. If we don't, can we just let go and allow everyone to go down whatever path without further interference? Or do we have to punish ourselves by letting other people "be who they are" at the cost of our own "who we are" and vice versa?
Is forgiveness just not hating someone for causing hurt?
Maybe forgiveness is Karma? Which isn't really all that heart-warming and kind, I guess. But it is nice to decide we don't have to worry about the dickheads and assholes of the world because what they do will come back to 'em in good time.
I have struggled with this too Bess. I wonder whether the key is in the motive. There is a big difference between someone stepping on your foot because they're distracted and not looking where they're going and someone stepping on your foot because they want to hurt you. If the person not paying attention makes a concerted effort to not step on your foot ever again, then I guess, forgiveness would be appropriate. But the change in behaviour should be obvious to everyone and not just lip service.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by at mine's. My husband has been a Pink Floyd fan since he was a teenager but I wasn't that much into it. I only realised the song was Pink Floyd's when I read it to the end and saw Gilmour's name. I think Quercus did a post on a Pink Floyd song too. So there you are, I am coming to appreciate Pink Floyd after all. :)
Ahh, the answers to the questions of the universe....
ReplyDeleteI've not had an issue with "Forgiveness." Maybe because I'm not Bible-driven, "Self-Help Book" driven or have the tolerance for New Agey (or Old Agey) platitudes and generalizations and "You HAVE to...." I imagine that appears I'm a godless heather (partially correct) but most fundamentally because I'm eminently practical. I'm too old to not have the elastic in the waist-band wear out to worry about Forgiveness when I tend to use safety-pins IRL.
It's beyond the scope of my employment as a human being and clearly above my pay-grade. IMO, it depends on how you conceptualize and operationalize "Forgiveness." And that's as personal and unique as we are and there's no "One Size Fits All." Somehow I blundered around long enough to figure it wasn't "necessary." Or even "desirable." Or even worth getting into a bunch of Drama about it because this tends to be a VERY polarizing "issue" and my voice/opinion just isn't that strident or important.
TW
Man, I understand this. What's "I'm sorry" mean? I need to know you're not going to do it again. How will I ever know? I guess I just have to try it again and make myself vulnerable. On one hand, i think that's a valuable life lesson, being vulnerable. On the other hand, I don't want to be the only one cleaning up the mess of someone who has deeply hurt me.
ReplyDeleteIf there really is Karma my mother will be reincarnated as a cat, and I will come back as a ten year boy with a sack of firecrackers.
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