Friday, August 24, 2012

So Much the Same

I see lots of people every day and am managing normal and healthy relationships now that I see things more clearly than I used to, but sometimes life is so fucking lonely. I love to be alone most of the time, and I can't tell if this is just part of me or if I trained myself so well to dislike being around others because of being almost entirely in the presence of my parents during my formative years. Until I discovered blogging, I don't think I grasped how lonely I was. All of a sudden, I'm realizing how many of us have similar stories. The people who I'm friendly with really don't know my story because I don't want them to. I don't think they would believe the story in its entirety because it sounds crazy and it's fucked up. So I get to put on my human face and deal with the world and all the people in my world and hide this part of me. Christ, there's so many of us that do this and - ? Well, does everyone feel this lonely and just hide themselves?


This belongs to Shel Silverstein. His drawing is poignant in its simplicity and in tandem with his words.
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3 comments:

  1. Calibans SisterAugust 24, 2012 at 12:42 PM

    Life IS lonely much of the time, Bess, in my opinion. Even with partners we love, and especially if you're single, as I am. I think it's the human condition to crave connection; it's why it's so easy for us to be utterly enmeshed with our FOOs, and why its so hard to leave people even though they do little more than damage us.

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  2. Tundra WomanAugust 28, 2012 at 6:27 PM

    This is really personal stuff and I don't talk about it in my every day life to much of anyone except my DH and he didn't get all the details-just enough to make him cringe and Psychob did the rest FOR me in fine fashion. I talk to my closest friend of 3 decades about it in more detail, but not a lot.
    It's not that I hide it so much as I am private-yeah, hard to believe, no? I've been described as "secretive" because I don't want my personal stuff vomited all over the place. It's personal, it's painful and not just anyone gets any info they want. I'm not into this whole "self-disclosure for entertainment" stuff. I don't ask people how much money they make or where they purchased what ever and would never ask how much they paid for something, although I'll admire it and tell them so. I choose who gets how close to me and whether or not Psychob matters to the context of the discussion at hand. I'm at the gma/ggma stage of life so it's not like my contemporaries discuss their parents who've been dead for quite awhile anyway.
    There's always times in life when we feel lonely, IMO. When my father died, my DH said, "When your parents die, you're just a little more lonely in this world" (both of his had died.) Psychob outlived him by 10 yrs. but we both considered her long dead and buried. Unfortunately, she was a regular Freddie Kruger in my life.
    Huh. I'll come back in Oct. My wedding anniversary and anniversary of DH's death are within 6 days of each other. It'll be 20 yrs. since his death. And I still miss him horribly. And yes, I AM lonely without him and I used to feel it was so unfair....but now sometimes I grin and think, "Ah, DH maybe you WERE lucky in a way I never though of...this aging stuff...kinda creeps up on ya" and he'll never have to go through this part.
    Great pix/ditty BTW. Thanks for this.
    TW

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  3. Texarkana FriendOctober 18, 2012 at 12:04 PM

    Bess, thank you for writing another tightly written gem. This describes my life word for word.

    I agree with CS above that it is the human condition we struggle with. I have found that the extroverts I've met are just as alone as we quieter types are. They just have bigger, more relentless masks.

    Keep blogging.

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