Friday, October 25, 2013
The Gasket is Leaking
I took the vicious thoughts out of my head and I put them on paper. I sent them to her. Now I can't pretend it's all alright, which is a relief of sorts. She gets to read my ugly (albeit true) thoughts. No reneging for me, no undoing. I know this won't really change anything, except give her more ammo, but I did this for me to lance the poisonous boil in my chest that wells hot and horrible over any mention of her. Now she gets to see how truly ungrateful I really am for all the things she believes she did well.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
IMO, you did it for the best reason, Bess: For YOU. So, wanna place any bets on which "Pay-Back" tactic she'll pull immediately? I think she'll pull "Pathetic/Poor MEEEE" but I could be wrong: Maybe she'll surprise me with a good old fashioned throw down Narc Rage.
ReplyDeleteGood for YOU, woman! TGIF-"thank gawd I'm Free!"
TW
It's better to relive the pressure in small doses lest you go over and do something that lands you in jail.
ReplyDeleteWhen I wrote my letter I thought either the old man would rage or I'd be disowned. Long shot was opening a meaningful dialogue. Instead, my NPs pretended it never happened and kept right on playing happy families.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't really matter though, Gladys, because putting it out there feels liberating!
You said what you have needed to say for YEARS. You finally got the chance to shout your truth. And it IS the truth.
ReplyDeleteShe probably wont read it - at least wont gain any insight from it. Because as soon as they speak or think a lie, it becomes real to them. So she isn't going to 'remember' what you KNOW.
But it doesn't matter because YOU got your chance to say it. However she responds, you will now be able to take a minute and reply or NOT. Ever, anymore. You have all the power now.
Good Job, Bess! Clapping and cheering from here. You took back all the power. *grin* she's gonna be pissed! WOOT!
Yep, she'll be pissed, but she'll still pretend to be hurt to any potential minions. Just disguise how she really feels, you know, to shine in a pleasanter light. Letting her have it is not as bad as I always imagined. I had to imagine the worst thing that could happen as a result of this, and the guilt-trained self came up with, "Oh my god, she'll probably overdose on her pain pills." Then I thought, why on earth would she do that. If she did that, it would be to "teach me a lesson." Whatever she chooses to do, however she reacts, is on her, good or bad. I won't be responsible for her any more.
ReplyDelete"I won't be responsible for her anymore."
ReplyDeleteI also felt the weight of that responsibility, Bess. It never *was* mine but again, I never questioned any part of this paradigm, the Legacy and all it's component parts.
TW